The Nevernever-Ending Love Seeker
by FinnickOdair-Will-Live-Forever
Summary: When Puck is commanded by Grimalkin to take part in a dating show until he gets over Meghan, he predicts only bad things for his near future. A few bad dates, and that's putting it lightly, might just lead Puck to the distraction he's been looking for. They say love is like buses- you spend ages waiting for one, and then two come along at the same time...
1. The Beginning

**It's been a long time since I wrote anything for Iron Fey, so you'll have to forgive me if the characters are a little OOC. I haven't read the books in forever but I'm re-reading the serious so sorry if I get some of the info a little wrong. :) I don't own The Iron Fey series.**

It had been six months since Puck had left Ash, and his new soul, at the entrance to the Iron Realm. The Wyldwood was flourishing again, full of life and the bloodsucking fey that called it home. The Seelie territories were as beautiful as ever- flowers bloomed, a whole army of different colours. The fey danced and sang, enchanting with their eerie yet stunning tunes. Oberon and Titania reigned supreme, bringing order and bitchiness to their fellow court politicians.

The Unseelie territories weren't doing so badly, either. Fresh coatings of snow covered the place, and the blizzards never died. Crystal like flowers sprung from the cold, harsh grounds like diamonds amongst rocks. It was damn cold there- but they liked it that way.

Puck reclined against a tree trunk in the depths of the Wyldwood. The land around him was blackened and dead, one of the few areas that was yet to be freed from the grasps of iron. The trees were rotting from the outside in, the grass was dark stubble and the flowers lay against it like fallen soldiers. Puck was enjoying himself there- it reflected his current mood. He tossed an apple in the air and caught it a few times before taking a bite out of it. He found himself not enjoying it quite as much as he used to, especially with nobody to throw the core at. As he ate, he absentmindedly played with the amulet that hang around his neck.

You see, he could go and visit anytime he liked, but it just wasn't the same anymore. Meghan was a queen now, and Ash was busy with their soldiers all the time. Any free time the two had they spent together, and Puck could tell that they wouldn't appreciate being roped into a prank brigade. The world, it seemed, was more interesting when it needed saving.

"Robin Goodfellow."

Puck sighed loudly and tossed his apple core to the side. It wouldn't truly be the Nevernever if Grimalkin didn't pop up unwanted in random places.

"Hey there, old buddy old pal." Puck said in a singsong tone. "What brings you to my humble abode?"

"Humble abode?" Grimalkin scoffed. "Lounging under a dying tree for three days eating apples does not make you at home, Goodfellow."

"Aw, now you're ruining all my fun."

"The Nevernever is fed up of you, Robin Goodfellow. You have done nothing but sulk ever since your quest to the end of the world." Grimalkin continued as if Puck had not spoken.

"Robin Goodfellow does not _sulk. _He simply lies around all day sighing a lot and hoping something interesting will happen to him." Puck said, imitating Grimalkin's voice.

"I have come to call in my favour." The cait sith explained after a few minutes of cleaning his paws.

"Oh?" The faerie boy was surprisingly disinterested. He found that nothing interested him nowadays. Not after saying goodbye to Megan, and losing the only other source of entertainment he had. Ice boy was too serious, but at least teasing him had been fun. On top of that, Ariella had died for a second time six months ago and that still kind of sucked for him.

"We're sick of you getting us down all the time, and Elysium is fast approaching. So, as your repayment to me, you will take part in the 'Nevernever-ending love seeker' show that takes place every two weeks in court territories. In two days from now it will be held in the Erlking's domain, and you have already been registered as the show's eligible bachelor." If cats could smile, Grimalkin would be grinning in satisfaction as he broke the news to a shocked looking Puck.

"No way! That show's so _weird_!" Puck protested, sitting upright. "It's full of desperate noblemen and cannibal ogres! Besides, I can find my own companion. I'm witty and attractive, remember?"

Grimalkin snorted from the branches of the tree.

"Just make sure you are there in two days, before nightfall. Oh and Puck?"

"Yeah?"

"You will keep going on the show until you find somebody to stop your stupid sulking."

…

A day's worth of travelling brought Puck to the Summer Court. Okay, so maybe stopping to prank those winter guards wasn't really necessary, but how could he pass up on such a golden opportunity? Although, he admitted to himself, turning their arms into ice-cream cones hadn't been as fun without anybody there to frown and kick at him. A certain girl with an orange backpack would have made it more exciting.

He could sigh and eat as many apples as he wanted. He could be increasingly ruthless with his pranks or sulk all day, but Puck couldn't hide the fact that he was still in love with Meghan Chase from himself. Alas, iron queen had wanted ice boy since way before she was the ruler of her own realm. Those who watched the stars knew- though it would have been nice of them to tell him. Puck missed having her around. Hell, he missed having them _both _around. He had lost Meghan to his sworn enemy who wasn't all that much of an enemy after all. He supposed that, based on the last few centuries, Ash probably deserved to have Meghan. But, that didn't mean that Puck didn't want her too.

The trolls opened the gates for him and he stepped inside the courtyard. It was all so _happy_- it made him want to vomit. Ever since the evil iron monarchs had been defeated and Meghan had taken over, life had been one endless party for all the Fey but Puck.

"Goodfellow!" Oberon's voice boomed over the harp music. "It is good to see you back in court."

"Aw, Oberon. You're too sweet, I missed you too." Puck joked. Titania sneered from her throne, and Puck waggled his eyebrows at her. The Queen raised her arm, probably to turn him into a squirrel, but Oberon stopped her with a glare.

"I hear you are taking part in the 'Nevernever-ending love seeker' show. Is this true?" The Erlking asked. As soon as he said it, all of the fey that had been milling around the courtyard stopped what they were doing to laugh their asses off.

"Puck?" One of the nobles almost fell over he was laughing so hard. "On that old show? I want to buy my ticket now!"

"It's true." Puck confirmed, grimacing. "Never make a deal with a cait sith."

"Maybe you'll end up with a nice Piskie." Titania smirked. "Or a goblin girl!"

"No, no. He will find himself a friendly manticore companion, or a mermaid to eat his whole head!" Oberon roared, his face reddening with laughter.

_By the way of Mab, _Puck thought. _Just kill me now._


	2. Round 1

**I don't own The Iron Fey.**

"This is awful."

Puck was far from pleased. It was almost nightfall in Arcadia, and Lady Weaver had been tugging at him for the past hour. She had tried various different hairstyles- spiked up, slicked back, a little bit of both. In the end, she had just brushed it back to the way that is was. She had then spent a long time rooting through Puck's wardrobe to see if she could find any decent clothes. He had doubted that even Lady Weaver could find something good in there- he hadn't used his room in decades. After shifting through hoodies and jeans, she finally found an old tunic that he had worn once. He had been forced into it centuries ago when he had taken the Scepter of Seasons to the Unseelie. Needless to say, Oberon had never trusted him with it since as he had turn the ogre guards into a fleet of mice.

The tunic was the same green as a bright spring leaf, and Lady Weaver had forced him out of his jeans and into brown breeches and boots.

"I am not here to deal with your annoyance, Robin. I am only here to make you look presentable." Lady Weaver snapped at him.

"But I look like…Well, like a faery." He complained, looking at himself in the mirror.

"You _are _a faery, Robin. Embrace it." Lady Weaver sighed, and left the room.

"Doesn't mean I have to look like one." Puck grumbled. He considered changing into his jeans and green hoodie, but then decided that it probably wasn't worth the wrath of Lady Weaver.

He sighed and left his room, slamming the door behind him. He followed the paths through the Briars until he reached a small clearing in the heart of the Seelie court, surrounded by tall green oaks. A light wood stage was set up in the middle of the clearing and on the stage was a chair, followed by a small wall, followed by another chair, and another wall. In total there were four chairs on the stage- one for Puck, and three for each of the nightmares he was going to be questioning. Bleachers stood tall in front of the stage, intricate designs of flowers and vines carved into the sides. They were already half full, and the audience cheered when they saw him.

"Puck! Over here!" A tall sidhe stood on the stage, wearing a brown shirt and green breeches. His dark hair was slicked back with enough gel to kill a small giant, but unlike the other summer fey he actually looked sort of friendly.

"Erm, hey." Puck greeted him awkwardly. He went to shove his hands in his pockets but cursed when he realized he had none.

"So, I've got three _lovely _ladies lined up for you today- all summer fey. They're just so excited that they might get to go one a date with _the _Robin Goodfellow! You're kind of famous, y'know?" The show's host gushed.

"Great. Let's get this party started then, right?" Puck sighed. In the small amount of time that they'd been talking, the rest of the audience had found their seats.

"Okay. First, I'm going to ask you some questions so you should take a seat." The presenter explained. Reluctantly, Puck sat down on the simple wooden seat.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Seelie and Unseelie, phoukas and trolls...Welcome to this week's showing of 'The Nevernever-Ending Love Seeker!" He yelled, using glamour to project his voice as if speaking into a microphone.

"I'm Aonghus, your beloved summer host! Tonight I'd like to welcome a very famous fae to the stage, the one and only Mr Robin Goodfellow. Let's hear it for Puck!" Aonghus yelled, and the audience whooped again.

"Hey." Puck gave a half-hearted wave. He thought he caught a glimpse of Grimalkin in the audience, but he blinked and the cat was gone. Oberon and Titania, however, _had _made an appearance. They sat in front of the ranks of grinning redcaps, slobbering ogres and cackling spriggans.

"Tell us a bit about yourself, Puck." Aonghus smiled encouragingly at him.

"Well, I'm Puck. I like apples and hate cait siths." He said.

"Hm…Okay then. What are you looking for in a girl?"

_Leader of an iron realm _was what he really wanted to say. That probably wasn't a good idea, seeing as Grimalkin would probably make him take part again next week if he did.

"Someone who won't eat me." Puck started. "Normal sized teeth. Limbs in all the right places. Preferably has only one face, but I'm not too picky."

"Alrighty then!" Aonghus stood and walked over to the first section of wall. The audience could see inside it, but Puck could not.

"Girl one enjoys long walks across jagged rocks, boys who don't mind when she nibbles their fingers, and has a thing for redcaps!" He announced, and Puck visibly shivered.

"Girl two!" Aonghus walked to the second section. "This girl enjoys dancing, running, and trips to the salon!"

"Last but not least, girl three likes to swim, sing, and kill mortals!"

Puck cringed. There were very little ways that the situation could possible get worse.

"So." The presenter stood at the end of the line. "I have glamoured the girls' voices to make them sound different, so that this is completely fair. Puck may ask three questions before he makes his choice."

Everybody turned to look at Puck expectantly. He blew hair from his forehead and tried to think of an important question.

"When fighting, what's your weapon of choice?"

"I like to use my teeth to rip their throats out." The first girl's voice came out sounding like she had inhaled helium, and Puck bit back a life at how ridiculous that voice made the sentence sound.

"Girl two?" Aonghus coaxed.

"Hmm…I don't really like fighting. I guess I just kick, or I'll use a small knife." She answered. Puck nodded, more approving of that answer than the previous one.

"Fighting is so crude, darling." The glamour made the third girl sound like Donald Duck. "Just sing, like I do!"

Puck rolled his eyes at the identity give away.

"Mermaid much?" He grumbled. "Alright then…What does your diet consist of?"

"Mainly other fey that can't get away- but I like a good hamburger, too." Helium-girl responded.

"I eat mainly fruit, like summerpods. I enjoy faery wine too." The second girl's voice sounded like nails running down a chalkboard.

"Fish. And mortals." Girl three grinned.

"Final question, Puck! Make it a good one!" Aonghus winked.

"Jesus…Um…Okay. How often are you in the Wyldwood?" Puck deemed this to be important, seeing as he spent a lot of time there himself.

"I love the Wyldwood. I visit all the time, because you can kill people there." Puck could hear the toothy grin in the first girl's voice.

"Not so much. It's a dangerous place, but I visit every so often to pick herbs and berries."

"I live in the Wyldwood, just outside of the Erlking's territories. The river runs clearest there." The third girl was creeping Puck out, but not as much as the first. The second just seemed kind of…dull.

"So Puck, you've gotten to know our three lovely ladies! Who will be accompanying you on a date tonight?" Aonghus looked at Puck expectantly, and he bit back another sigh.

"Well it's a tough choice." He lied. "I'm really drawn to the whole 'Flesh-eater' thing, but I think I'm going to have to go with girl number two. She seems like the least likely one to try and murder me."

The walls rumbled and slowly slid down into slats in the stage. Puck came face to face with the closest girl, a wart covered troll that only had four teeth.

"Esmee, unlucky." He addressed the troll, and then turned to the blue haired mermaid in human form at the other end of the stage. "Meara, thanks for coming out."

The two fey hissed at Puck as they left the stage. The other section was yet to be opened, and Puck was sweating more than a boggart at the beach. He really didn't want to become a Puck sandwich. Slowly, the walls rumbled down.

"And tonight's winner…" The walls rumbled the whole way down. "Kyna!"

Sat in line with Puck was one of the plumpest female satyrs he had ever seen in his centuries long life.

"Congratulations you two!" Aonghus cheered a long with the rest of the audience. Puck glanced down at the two summer royals, who were laughing so hard that glamour was shooting around all over the place making the grass grow long.

"I'm going to kill you, Grimalkin." Puck muttered under his breath as the satyr took his arm.


End file.
